Saturday Night Live Weekend Update

NBC 9/5/2009



Host: On Thursday Star Trek opens in theaters nationwide with an ad campaign that promised this is not you father's Star Trek. A sentiment that upset some f the hardcore fan base of the franchise. Here to address those fans are the stars of the film Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto.

(Audience going wild, screaming.)

Pine: As you said Zach and I really want to come out tonight and address the long time Star Trek fans.

Quinto: We understand you guys are concerned about the way we're handling your beloved franchise.

(Two caricatures of the stereotype of Star Trek fans posited in the audience looking unconvinced, on the defense, and slightly hostile.)

Quinto: but don't worry. We've gone to great lengths to insure it fits flawlessly in with the established canon.

Pine: Absolutely, Zach. You know all the stardates we use correspond perfectly with the ones used in the original series and in Next Generation. 

Quinto: And our movie takes the time to explore the origin of the Kolinahr ceremony and it's fascinating connection to the pon farr marriage ritual.

Pine: And I... ah... I swear that the transporters on the Enterprise...(cough)... utilize... ah... the... ahmmm...the the heis...hai...Oh god, I have no idea what I'm talking about.

Quinto: (deeply frustrated sigh, then admitting with new gusto) Neither do I, but you guys, please, you have to stop harassing us.

Pine: (with emphasis) Please!

Host: You're getting harassed?

Quinto: Yeah, you've no idea, Seth, how insane those fans can be.

(Fake Trekkie displaying a nervous tick)

Pine: I'm getting angry calls in the middle of the night. At least I think they're angry. I can't really understand them. They're speaking in Klingon or Hebrew.

Quinto: And my mailbox keeps getting vandalized. Every morning it's full of decapitated action figures and empty inhaler canisters.

Pine: And they tie notes to rocks and they throw them at my windows. (Leaning forward for emphasis.) It's scratching the glass! (Quinto puts a soothing hand on his shoulder.)

Host: The rocks don't break the windows?

Pine: No. [They're ?] not throwing them hard enough.

(Fake fans displaying discomfort.)

Host: I guess I'm just surprised that you guys are intimidated by Trekkies.

Quinto: Ja, well...They can be really intimidating. I mean...look.

(Fake Trekkie making threatening we're watching you sign.)

Host: A little...a LITTLE intimidating.

Pine: You know we just really want them to come out and see the movie, Seth.

Nimoy: (off screen) They will come. They will come.

(Applause, a little less intense screaming than for Pine and Quinto as he enters the stage. Fake Trekkies in ecstasy.)

Quinto: But Leonard, what if they reject Chris and me as the new Kirk and Spock?

Nimoy: Gentlemen, I spent many years of my life among Trekkies, er, Trekkers. And they have been some of the greatest years of my life. And while it may take time, I believe that soon they will find you, Chris, to be equal to the original Captain Kirk, and you, Zachary, to be slightly less than equal to the original Spock, (applause) but ultimately okay.

Quinto: You think they gonna like the film, Leonard?

Nimoy: To not like it would...

Host: I know! I know what you're gonna say! To not like it would be highly illogical.

Nimoy: No, I was going to say to not like it would make them dickheads.

(Laughter, applause, fake fans nod in agreement.)

Host: The Star Trek cast, everyone.



Elenco do novo filme Star Trek no SNL from eviljovemnerd on Vimeo.